Silent Mode

I am brought back to the present moment with the smell of morning coffee wafting through my little room as I laze around my house wearing shorts thinking to myself about the days that have gone by and how I am now.

I have been MIA in the blogosphere for how many months and I deeply apologize for my absence… and now I’m here, publishing these photo dump that has been resting for 3 months. I recount the steps I’ve taken all this time somehow trying to draw a mind map of what has lead me to this present moment on a dreary Sunday morning. While I’ve had entertaining stories, profound moments, and crazy adventures along the way, life is for the most part quite ordinary and I am not a special little snowflake as this mundane Sunday morning has proven. I have not woken up with my head resting on the leather seat of our couch. I have instead woken up in bed with my head resting on pillows covered by teddy bear sheets that I’ve had since I was in grade school. How’s that for being ordinary?

What if acknowledging our mediocrity and nothingness could be the gateway to actually becoming greater and making something of ourselves. If I already thought that I was the queen of the hill even though I have not even ventured to the peak, I wouldn’t even bother climbing to the top. That would make me stagnant. It might even mean that I’m being delusional to crown myself “queen of the hill” despite the fact that I’m still stuck at base camp. Being “nothing” gives me a blank slate for me to create something. Being “ordinary” gives me the chance to be great. I can look at how ordinary I am right now and how unexciting this morning has been – punching words into my laptop right now trying to attain some form of sage hood after eating a plate of dull bread and oatmeal – and see that for all the grandiose dreams I’ve had that never or have not yet come to be that my life truly blows and that I have no choice but to embrace the suck…but I don’t have to. Problems in life are inevitable no matter who and where you are. You can look at having problems from a perspective of “Fuck this. This sucks. I might as well give up. “or “Fuck this. This sucks. I’ll deal with it, though.”.

Perspectives have the power to turn shit into gold…metaphorically of course. Unfortunately, my power of perspective and belief cannot alter the physical composition of material objects. Otherwise, I would quit blogging and focus my mental energy on transforming my daily dump in the toilet into monetary gains and cease early.

Looking back at why lasting happiness and satisfaction seemed so elusive no matter where I was, who I was with, and what I’ve accomplished, I begin to wonder if this was all a matter of perspective.

The old and overused statement that happiness is an inside job really does become true. Yes, material things greatly affect our overall happiness (if you still aren’t convinced that money and clothing affects your level of perceived happiness, please donate some to the April Nunez Trust) but they are not the source of it. We are. I could spitefully look at my bland bowl of oatmeal while a kid on the streets might drool over it like Gordon Ramsey just popped it out of his kitchen and sprinkled his culinary fairy dust all over it. Perspective is powerful. Everything begins and ends in our minds.

dress: Sammydress | hat: SM Accessories from SM City Cauayan

I’ve traveled places and experienced many things. Looking back at all the ups and downs, gains and losses, joys and sorrows – it’s all been fine and dandy and I’m still alive. I’ve searched for places to call home, people to connect with, passions to pursue, and pursuits to give me a sense of fulfillment. I’ve found petty amusements that gave me pleasure and discovered meaningful things that have given me glimpses of what it’s like to be genuinely happy. The funny thing is that the big and small adventures I’ve had from place to place, and person-to-person have all led me back to my real home – myself. I’ve traveled a long way around the block and found myself coming back much closer to home.

So here I am, still in my house shorts, sipping on my now too-cold-to-drink brew – not a penny richer but perhaps a good deal wiser. Life is ordinary. I am ordinary. But you know what? That’s fine. It’s good to be back and I might even say that I’m pretty happy.

Location: Dinadiawan Beach, Aurora Province, Philippines

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53 thoughts on “Silent Mode

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